乌龟

最近的我好像乌龟，每天躲在自己的龟壳里，不敢出去....
其实乌龟也是很痛苦的，躲在壳里，
虽然温暖，但并不能承受外面的风吹雨打...
一点点的挑战，不如意的事情，就开始伤心...

乌龟也开始怀疑，开始不知道自己的目标...
也开始没有了目标...开始彷徨....
开始害怕....

虽然乌龟说她不再担心成绩，但她心里比任何人清楚...
自己是多么的在意...
但她却不敢诚实的面对自己心里最真实的感受...

她希望这三个星期快快过，
她真的有这个能力让自己安心的过这些日子吗？
每天活在压力，担心，逃避的生活中，
真的很辛苦...

胡言乱语

最近的心情很糟，做什么都觉得自己很烂...
原来我只是能在马来西亚生存，以前觉得自己真的很不错，现在真的是大错特错....
我很没有用，在这里我很多东西都做不好，很多事情都让我觉得自己很无能...
就连简单的习题，我也不能得心应手...
就连我引以为傲的社区经验也对term project 无能为力...

曾经，我埋怨马来西亚，为何她没用？
曾经，我觉得我在这里会学习很多不同的东西...
曾经，我为了这个机会，建立了很多不同的梦...
曾经，我想要在这里发展...

但现在的我，想逃离这里...
不想面对了...
开始觉得自己能力只不过如此...
我要回槟城，想要回到自己熟悉的地方...
不想在这儿承受这些有形无形的压力~~

!st test in NUS

2ml I have a corrosion test.

I had finish read all materials 2nd time d...but i still feel very nervous...dunno what to do now...haiz...

I always say result is not important in working life, but now i feel myself scare get bad result..

NUS is top 10 uni in this world, when i decide to come here, i dint think abt result, i feel that i can do it...but after i been here, i felt i am wrong!!

Ppl will change according to the environment, hardworking ppl bcome lazy is easy, but lazy ppl bcome hardworking is  very hard...

I always have this feeling, if i am here after F6, i sure can do well..but after study in USM 3 years, i feel i cant do it...

I know i should not think like that...but i very scare, i scare my result here will push my CGPA down and below 3.0...

I wish this wont happen to me..i know cant predit what happen..should try my best to et good result...

Wish me 2ml good luck ba~~

国庆日

昨天，是马来西亚53岁了！

身为马来西亚人的我，参加过新加坡的国庆，但并没有参加过任何的国庆庆典，就算有也是小学和中学的校内庆祝仪式吧！

这是不是可笑的事情呢？

今天的面子书，在一些人的生活中已扮演了重要的角色...
对于我，他可说是新闻提供站，它让我不会落后，让我跟着世界前进~~

在这个国庆日，我人在新加坡，对着FB，心里觉得马来西亚真的没得救了！

FB wall 不断出现各种对马来西亚不好的东西...
我在想这是国庆日吗？

我是马来西亚土生土长的华人，但我并不承认我是马来西亚人....
不过我因为我是马来西亚的华人引以为荣....

但我还是告诉别人我不爱国...
可能USM会后悔把这个不爱国的人提名来参加学生交流计划，
我代表USM，
代表槟城，
但不代表马来西亚~~

谢谢你对我们华人的“培养”，没有你日夜的“灌溉”，
我不会到新加坡，不会觉得自己很厉害....

因为你，我学会了各种语言，
因为你，我学会了自立，
因为你，我学会了演戏，
因为你的大学，我的学习能力衰退，
因为你，在异国的我，觉得自己是不足的。。。


在华校，我们只面对华人，竞争力很大，我们还是能生存...
上了大学，因为有你们垫底，我对学习的态度也转移了...
到了NUS，开始觉得自己的不足，开始感到害怕...
不过，很高兴我来了这儿，如果继续留在那儿，我不懂自己会变成什么....

那么多的种族歧视问题出现，
如果你们没有歧视我们，那为何你会觉得我们歧视你们呢？

为何新加坡没有这种问题？
他们也有三大民族，
他们的国语也是马来语，
他们的马来人也是有特权，
但他们不滥用特权，
他们的经济繁荣，
他们迈向世界的前端，
但他们只是一个“小岛”，
马来西亚呢？

为何有Singaporean， 没有Malaysian？
难道新加坡没有马来人吗？
难道他们跟你们不一样吗？
难道你们比较特别？

不要把事情都赖在我们，没有我们，马来西亚没有国庆日！！
不过我希望，槟城有一天会像新加坡一样，有自己的国庆日~~

TF-Learn Workshop

Last weekend, all 39 TF-Learn scholar had attend for a workshop in Pulau Ubin. Pulau Ubin is 2nd biggest inland in Singapore. We had ran many activities in there...I feel that this workshop had give me a great experience and enjoy my 1st camping.

I still remember that the 1st camp that i attend is the 22th YBAM community services training camp in KL. That camp i tot is camping also. All stuff that i bring is camping stuff, but when i reach there only i know that this is a Buddhist camp,so not camping.I need to borrow long pant with Peyyi.

So, this camping in Pulau Ubin is my 1st camping, still remember that i always image that i can camping in a island 1 day. This dream had come true. At first i feel not very exited to go, bcos many tutorial and homework to do, study life in NUS is not like USM. I need to follow up all on time, if not will get into trouble. Plus i dint prepare that i need to join activity like that...So i need to buy a sleeping bag but i m lack of money, bcos the scholarship not yet come. Finally i found that Rhian got it, so i borrow with her in Tampines, which is need 45mins MRT from NUS.All this things make me tired and not very interested in this event.

However, those negative thinking had gone after i reach Pulau Ubin. There is really wat in my dreams and i start feel that i will enjoy this camping and workshop. The 1st activity is ice breaking. This ice breaking make me a bit nervous bcos it need to done in english. Most my friend also know that my english is not good. This ice breaking make me know that i no choice, i need to use to it, bcos 39 of us are come from different country in Asia. We need to communicate in english and not our own language.

2nd activity is we divide into 5 groups, we need to interview 3 ppl for different background in Pulau Ubin. From this activity, we learn how to approach different kind of ppl and understand that wat we wan to give not everybody need it. We need to think on their stand and try to know wat is their needs.

We only give $4 for lunch and breakfast on the next day. This a a challenges for us to work in groups and get foods. 7 of us had a big fried rice that cost $15,Another we save for breakfast and water. but wat make i not happy is we r not enough of water and had buy to much breakfast and cant finish it.

This workshop had a lot of presentation and sharing, this make me use to english. We are not always in the same groups, group members are always change, every ppl are playing different role in different activities. Eddy which is Prof. from Faculty of Business had teach us many things abt how to "Services and Learning" . Yi min and Seng Yew are student of Eddy which also sharing a lot with us. This make this camping very meaning and compact.

We had a race to complete our workshop and know more abt this island. 3 task had give to us and we need to completed them in 2 hours time. This make me very exited and happy to have it. We are divide into 8 group and start our journey in Pulau Ubin. For our group,we not like others which rent bicycle or van, % of us take "11 bus" to our destination. We are enjoy this race by walking and chatting along the race. I think the distance is more than 10km...I felt proud that our group work together and dint separate like others. We are last group of the race but we had try our best..hehe

After we reach, we having chit chat and rest session b4 go back to Singapore mainland. I hd get a great information and very surprise abt that. This i will share in next blog. In conclusion, i wan to thanks all my friends from different country of Asia, i very happy to know all of u and hope our friendship forever ~~~~

Sorry

2day, i only attend the 1st lecture, others i dint attend..i skip 1 lecture and 1 tutorial...

I feel faint when i attend the "Statistics For Engineering Application", so i decide not to attend class.

I go back PGPR and sleep until now....i cant sleep well,just keep on wake up n sleep~~

I dunno what should i do~~

When i c ur sms,my tears automatic will come out, this is the 2nd times happen, i know u sure remember when is the 1st time...I tot this wont happen again,but y?

It is not ur fault, nobody wrong abt this~~is i selfish, i just do my part, i already use to find and catch opportunity for me to get what i want...i understand why u talk like that to me...

Sorry,i dint realize  that i need to think n discuss b4 i make any decision. This is bcos i use to make decision myself....

Last time, i done everything on my own, no ppl will discuss with me...i only know that i need to it on my own..done everything myself...no ppl will help me~~~

If i hurt u, i really sorry abt it~~~